What gets you out of bed in the morning? No, I’m not referring to your alarm clock, or a boot in the backside from your beloved, or even a wet nose on your face from the dog. Answer – your values.
What do you need in your day to day life for it to have meaning for you? For you to feel ‘settled’ rather than having a sense that something’s missing? What would you stand up and fight for? Answer – your values.
Your Personal Values Set, which relates to your heart’s wisdom, are the things that motivate you to take action. If your heart isn’t in your work or your relationship, you’re not going to be willing to do what you need to in order to make it work. You just can’t bring yourself to put the effort in. There’s something missing.
When I start working with a new client we spend the first session getting clear on what their Personal Value Set is, their five Core Values. Sometimes they will tell me they know what these are already, sometimes they tell me what their parents told them was important, and sometimes there’s just a blank face looking back at me. No matter what the starting point, once we’ve actually identified their Core Values they always come as a surprise. At the same time it makes them smile, it feels good to connect with your heart.
In all the times I’ve done this exercise, nobody has had exactly the same five core values (even though they will often say “Well, doesn’t everyone have these?” – the answer is “No”). Your values are your values, nobody else’s. And even if someone did by chance have exactly the same five core values as you, the meaning they attached to each one would be different.
Understanding this can help you avoid getting frustrated with someone who just doesn’t see the world in the same way you do. You may value serenity, they may value excitement. You may value common sense, they may value adventure. Your definition of success may be achieving balance in your life, their’s might be working all the hours of the day to climb to the top of their career ladder. Neither of you is wrong, you just have different value sets.
You’ll often find it’s easier for you to connect with people who have similar values to you. If you are finding yourself irritated by someone, a clash of values can often explain it.
Not only does understanding your values help you build positive, healthy relationships, but they can guide your decision making around your life and career choices. You will find activities which align to your values feel energising, those that don’t feel draining. In simple terms, if it’s not aligned to your values – don’t do it!
So now you know a bit more about Values, I thought I’d introduce myself a bit more through sharing my Values. I had planned on sharing all five in this post, but having only got halfway through my second one and reaching over 1500 words, I think it’s probably best to keep to bitesize portions! I realise that although I love my values, could talk all day long about them and/or why you need to understand and pay attention to yours, they are simply my values. They mean something to me. You may be able to relate to them, or not, and that’s totally fine.
So without further ado, my first core value is:
Independence for me covers a number of areas, none of which means I want to be single or live like a hermit ;o) I confess, I am perfectly happy in my own company (surprise, surprise – introvert here), but I don’t think I’d want to live a lifetime on my own. I suppose when I think about it, independence facilitates my introverted tendencies. Independence allows me to be, well, independent! Breaking this down for me, independence means:-
“If your spine is inflexibly stiff at 30, you are old.
If it is completely flexible at 60, you are young”
So there you have it, my number one value and what it means to me. I could have chosen Health, or Freedom (probably the nearest equivalent), or Self-Expression, but they weren’t the right words for me. They wouldn’t have captured everything that’s important to me. Which is why we really have to learn to listen to our hearts, to get clarity, to “know” ourselves more deeply.
I’d love to know what Independence means to you, whether what it means to me makes any sense to you, and whether you’ve found this helpful, so please let me know.
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