The Pivotal Power of Networking (When You’re a Freelancer Who’d Honestly Rather Be Working)

The Pivotal Power of Networking (When You’re a Freelancer Who’d Honestly Rather Be Working)

Last October, I was done.

I was seven months postpartum, six weeks back to work, and overwhelmed. While getting ready for my monthly networking lunch in Bath, I told my husband that I needed to take a step back from networking for a while. The small talk, the membership fee, and—most painfully—the loss of one of my precious working days while my baby was in nursery didn’t feel like a priority. As any freelancing parent knows, hours when someone else is lovingly watching over your child are rare, and I was wasting mine at a networking meeting that, at the time, didn’t feel like it was giving much back.

Though I thought about skipping the meeting, I walked into that session with a very clear internal monologue: fuck it.

The Moment I Stopped Networking

Instead of trying to be polished, strategic, or “professional,” I was just… myself. I hugged the women I knew and sprinkled bits of gossip we’d all find interesting into the conversations; I complimented people I was meeting for the first time and gushed, unapologetically, about my daughter;  I complained about life. When it was my turn to introduce myself to the group for my 1-minute, I dropped the carefully worded elevator pitch and told the truth.

Instead, I said something along the lines of:

Hi, I’m Molly Koeneman. I’m a digital marketing and SEO expert. I’ve been out of maternity leave for over a month, and I’m struggling to find clients. I'm open to any digital marketing work or busy tasks that I could take on. A good introduction for me would be a small business owner who isn’t interested in juggling their website on top of everything else, or a marketing agency. I think subcontract work would be great for me right now.”

I had no spin. I didn’t pretend everything was fine. I stood up with just honesty.

In hindsight, I did the most important thing when it comes to networking: I told people exactly how they could help me.

People Want to Help — But They Need Direction

Something shifted in the room for me when I stopped trying to “sell” and started being real. I didn’t get awkward nods and polite “we should collaborate sometime” comments. People leaned in when I spoke. They asked questions. They started thinking with me.

They didn’t just say, “Let me know if I can help.”

They asked, “What do you need?”

Because I had been specific, they had something to work with.

What Happened Next

Since that meeting, my calendar has been full of 1–2–1s, and not just with people in marketing and the digital space. I’m getting to know people across all industries. We talk about life, about kids and about holidays. Sometimes, we even talk about work.

It’s within these more intimate one-to-one conversations that needs and opportunities surface. From these conversations have come:

• Client referrals

• Introductions to others in my field

• People are actively keeping me in mind for opportunities.

And I’ve been able to provide the same to others. Having sunk my teeth so deeply into the network, I’m better able to connect dots (ie people) than I was able to do so before.

I feel connected again; supported and part of something.

After mat leave, when my confidence was wobbly and my professional identity felt out of focus, this feeling of connection mattered more than I can put into words.

And yes, amidst all this, the work has started to flow.

The Biggest Takeaway: Ask for What You Need

When I first started networking for my freelance business (way back in April of 2024), I found myself surrounded by beautiful women who seemed so accomplished and successful. I aimed to present that same way, but it felt stilted and “salesy.” I played around with a pitch-deck and offerings, but nothing seemed to have traction.

It wasn’t until I dropped the pretense and spoke in a human way about myself and my work that I started seeing success in networking. At the same time, the women in the network lost their untouchable allure and became friends.

I’ve learned that networking is not about performing successfully, nor handing out business cards and delivering perfectly crafted service lists.

It’s about letting people see who you are, trusting them with where you’re actually at, and giving them a clear way to support you

Because people do want to help. They just don’t know how unless you tell them.

Tips for Freelancers Who Hate Networking (Like I Did)

1. Drop the Sales Script

No one remembers the person who sounded like a brochure. They remember the person who was real.

2. Be a Whole Human

Talk about your life. Ask about theirs. Connection first, work second.

3. Be Specific About What You Need

Saying, “Keep me in mind for anything,” is too vague. Instead, saying something like, “I’m looking for freelance digital marketing support work — content, email, SEO — for small businesses.” This gives people something actionable.

4. Focus on Relationships, Not Transactions

The work often comes later, sideways, or through someone else entirely.

5. Let It Be Messy

You don’t have to show up as the finished, fully-booked, confident version of yourself. You can show up as the person in the middle of the wobble. That’s where networking works best.

The Unexpected Outcome

I went from wanting to quit my networking group to feeling like it’s one of the most valuable parts of my business. Not just because of the referrals or the work (though those have been huge), but because I no longer feel like I’m doing this alone.

Freelancing after maternity leave felt isolating. Rebuilding momentum felt slow and exposing. But being honest about that didn’t push people away. It pulled the right people closer.

If you take one thing from this, let it be this:

Don’t go to networking events to sell. Go to be known. And don’t be afraid to ask for what you need.

That “fuck it” meeting changed my trajectory — not because I tried harder, but because I stopped performing and started connecting. It turns out that’s where the work (and the support, and the confidence) had been hiding.

About Molly

Molly Koeneman is a freelance digital marketing and SEO assistant. She has nearly 15 years of experience in magazine media and marketing. Schedule a “coffee chat” with her to discuss networking, kids, the housing market in Bath, the state of American politics, slow-cooker recipes, or how to best keep kids off their Switch between school and dinner. Anything, really.